Written by Aubrie Williams
About six or seven years ago, my brother and I took a little
vacation together. We had planned the trip so that we would be able to spend
Sunday in a church of like faith and practice. When we arrived Sunday morning
and greeted the members of the church, we introduced ourselves with our first
and last names. Given that our last names were the same, many of the members
made the assumption that we were married. When I realized the misunderstanding,
I exclaimed, "Oh no, we're not married! He's my brother." We shared a
good laugh over the confusion, but I noticed the demeanor of some of the single
girls of the church instantly change toward us. Now that they knew he was "available,"
it was as though my brother had become an interesting piece of fresh meat to
study and flirt with. And me? Well, I had become a threat to them. They made it
quite clear to me which guys were "off limits" to me and jealously
stared at me when I made the mistake of having a casual conversation with one
of the young men.
Does this picture sound familiar? All too often, churches
are filled with single girls flirting, "staking their claims," and
backstabbing girls they view as threats to their conquests. My dear sisters,
God NEVER intended for our Christian circles to be filled with such ungodly
behavior. But when finding a life's mate becomes a matter in which we take
control, heartbreak and ruined relationships are the disastrous results.
The saddest part about our visit to this church was the lack
of sweet Christian fellowship as a result of the mentality of the girls there.
Any possible friendships were halted because of their desires to "catch
and bag" their prey.
In addition to this loss of friendship between the girls of
the church, think about the awkwardness that would follow when the fella that
girl A has been flirting with and fantasizing about, marries girl B. What an
embarrassment for that girl to know that she had been flirting with another
girl's future husband. Imagine what kind of tension that can bring into
Christian circles. This type of disunity is great ammunition for the devil to
use to divide and conquer our churches from within.
So what should our attitude be towards young, unmarried men?
First of all, we must realize that viewing each single guy that crosses our
path as a possible, future husband is dangerous thinking. It can lead to
flirtatious behavior, fantasies, and possible heartbreak and jealousy if that
man ends up marrying someone else. Viewing young men as a brother is also not
the best choice. You see, a brother can be a close friend and buddy to his
sister. I am always punching my brother in the arm, teasing him, laughing with
him and asking him about his day. But a single young girl behaving this way
towards a single young man could be viewed as flirtatious even if that is
not her intention. Treating a single young man like a brother breeds a
different kind of familiarity and is not becoming to a godly young woman. The last thing you want to do is cause
questions in other's minds about your motives.
Here is my suggestion to young ladies wishing to behave
themselves in a manner that is godly and above reproach: view each young man as
though he were another girl's husband, even if he is not yet married. Until God has revealed to you that he is to
be your life's partner and a commitment from the young man has been made to
you, treat him as though he is the future husband of another lady. You would
never think to flirt with another woman's husband... he isn't yours to flirt
with. You wouldn't seek to gain his attention or wonder if he thinks you are
attractive. In my story of our visit to another church, the young ladies of
that assembly were quite friendly with me and my brother before they learned of
our single status. Why? Because in their minds, we were unavailable and
non-threatening. When they viewed my brother as another woman's husband, they
were not flirtatious or inappropriate in any way.
If you are concerned that such a non-pursuant attitude
towards guys will surely doom you to being single the rest of your life,
realize this: a godly young man will only be interested in a young lady that
behaves herself in a godly manner. I have heard Christian guys say to me how
turned off they are when girls flirt with them because they know that if a girl
flirts with them, she is likely to have flirted with several others and her
mind is not truly pure. If you want to catch the attention of a godly minded
man, turn off your "guy radar" and wait on the Lord to bring about a
relationship in His time.
If God is almighty enough to stoop down and pluck a
repentant sinner out of the mire of her pathetic sin, turn her into a child of
the King of Kings, and set her on the path of righteousness with Heaven as her
eternal home, don't you think He can handle finding a perfect match for you to
marry if that is indeed His will for you? If you can trust Him with your
eternal soul, your career, your trials and burdens... can you not trust that He
lead your steps down the path to His perfect plan for a life's partner?
I beg you to busy yourself in service to the Lord and trust
God to lead your heart in this matter. Set aside any desires to seek out your
own husband and learn to view single men in a godly manner. You will soon
realize the benefits of staying within His perfect will.
